Several years ago, I watched the South Park movie. What stands out in my mind about that movie was the scene where Saddam Hussein and Satan were in a relationship. In this scene, Saddam was the abuser and Satan was the victim. What made the scene so hilarious was the insinuation that Saddam Hussein was so evil, he could even abuse Satan.

Yet, this silly cartoon was right on the mark in identifying the dynamics of an abusive relationship. It showed Saddam being mean to Satan, and Satan feeling sad. Satan threatened to leave Saddam, and of course, Saddam tried to placate Satan and convince him to stay. That’s when Saddam started dancing around the room singing a song called “I Can Change”.

“I can change, I can change
I can learn to keep my promises I swear it
Open up my heart and I will share it
Any minute now I will be born again”

It’s a funny little song and dance, yet so truthfully it shows the lies that spill out of an abuser’s mouth when his victim has had enough. The “I Can Change” dance is something all abusers do when their victims are about to leave or have already left. In my experience, they really put on the charm after the woman leaves. The things they say are very similar to the words in the song. Okay, not so cheesy and obvious, but there are promises, there is begging, and so on. They can talk such a good game that they can convince us that they’ve already changed.

I’ve got news for you ladies - it’s not real. It’s just part of the cycle. This website outlines the cycle of domestic abuse very clearly. If you’ll notice, there is a period of “normal behavior”, also called the “honeymoon phase”. It’s during this period, when he’s acting like a normal, decent human being, that we become convinced that he has changed and that everything will be wonderful from here on out. WRONG! It’s just the beginning of another cycle of abuse.

It’s hard to see when you’re in the midst of the abuse. It can still be hard to see even after you’ve left. And that’s why you go back - because you really believe that he’s changing. And you want to believe that deep down, he really is a good person. And to some degree, he has you brainwashed. You believe the lies he says and you even start to see things from his point of view - instead of your own.

The truth is, he probably will never change. So break free from him now. And don’t fall for the “I Can Change” dance. It’s just a silly dance.