Dating Again - The Basics
Hitting the dating scene can be a daunting task, especially for women who have a history of being in abusive relationships. I personally found dating to be extremely stressful, but I made it through the minefield alive. I'm going to share a little about what I learned about dating after abuse:
The most important thing that I can tell you is to take things slow. Don't jump into a serious relationship right off the bat. Take your time to get to know the guy you're interested in before things get serious. Start out dating casually (this means no sex), and after a few months, if things are going well (meaning there's no red flags), then you can become closer.
Red Flags
It's important to watch for red flags. (More about this later). Learn to identify abusive behaviors in men so that when you encounter an abusive man, you will know it. Inappropriate comments, rudeness, belittling others, obsessive behaviors, and excessive demands are all indicators of an abusive personality. The book, Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them
explains the behaviors of abusive men in great detail. The author also offers advice to women who want to be free of abuse. I recommend this book to anyone who wants to learn about abusive relationships and how to break the cycle.
If you start to see red flags, end the relationship as soon as you can. This can be difficult. Sometimes you aren't sure if something is really wrong with him or if you are just being too picky. Maybe you are worried about hurting his feelings. This is normal. You may vacillate, not knowing what to do. You can take your time if you want, but the longer you take, the harder it will be to break up with him.
Finding Men to Date
The best way to find men to date is not to look. Yes, don't go out looking for men. Let them find you. Believe me, if you are single, they will find you sooner or later. You can increase your chances of meeting a man by attending various social functions like church gatherings and barbecues. Don't go to these functions just to meet a man though. Go to have a good time. When you go out expecting to meet someone, you'll be disappointed. So, have no expectations, other than to have fun. That way, if you don't meet anyone, you won't be discouraged, and if you do, that's just an added bonus! I truly believe that we find love when we aren't looking for it.
Let Him Do the Chasing
Do not, under any circumstances, chase a man. Men do not want to be chased, they want to do the chasing. Don't be overly friendly, instead act a little shy and reserved. This will make him want to get to know you more. Don't call him unless you are returning his call. Don't ask him out - let him ask you out. Why Men Love Bitches explains this in detail.
Have a Life
Don't be all about the man you're dating. Have your own life. Don't give up your weekly yoga class, or your volunteer work to spend time with him. Fit him around your schedule, don't change your schedule to fit around him.
Most of all, have fun. If dating seems too stressful, you're either not ready to date yet, you're moving too fast, or you're dealing with an abuser. If you're feeling stressed, it's okay to take a break from the man you're dating. You can tell him you need a few days or a week to a month off. Or you can break it off completely. I'll tell you how to do that in another post.
The most important thing that I can tell you is to take things slow. Don't jump into a serious relationship right off the bat. Take your time to get to know the guy you're interested in before things get serious. Start out dating casually (this means no sex), and after a few months, if things are going well (meaning there's no red flags), then you can become closer.
Red Flags
It's important to watch for red flags. (More about this later). Learn to identify abusive behaviors in men so that when you encounter an abusive man, you will know it. Inappropriate comments, rudeness, belittling others, obsessive behaviors, and excessive demands are all indicators of an abusive personality. The book, Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them
explains the behaviors of abusive men in great detail. The author also offers advice to women who want to be free of abuse. I recommend this book to anyone who wants to learn about abusive relationships and how to break the cycle.If you start to see red flags, end the relationship as soon as you can. This can be difficult. Sometimes you aren't sure if something is really wrong with him or if you are just being too picky. Maybe you are worried about hurting his feelings. This is normal. You may vacillate, not knowing what to do. You can take your time if you want, but the longer you take, the harder it will be to break up with him.
Finding Men to Date
The best way to find men to date is not to look. Yes, don't go out looking for men. Let them find you. Believe me, if you are single, they will find you sooner or later. You can increase your chances of meeting a man by attending various social functions like church gatherings and barbecues. Don't go to these functions just to meet a man though. Go to have a good time. When you go out expecting to meet someone, you'll be disappointed. So, have no expectations, other than to have fun. That way, if you don't meet anyone, you won't be discouraged, and if you do, that's just an added bonus! I truly believe that we find love when we aren't looking for it.
Let Him Do the Chasing
Do not, under any circumstances, chase a man. Men do not want to be chased, they want to do the chasing. Don't be overly friendly, instead act a little shy and reserved. This will make him want to get to know you more. Don't call him unless you are returning his call. Don't ask him out - let him ask you out. Why Men Love Bitches
explains this in detail.Have a Life
Don't be all about the man you're dating. Have your own life. Don't give up your weekly yoga class, or your volunteer work to spend time with him. Fit him around your schedule, don't change your schedule to fit around him.
Most of all, have fun. If dating seems too stressful, you're either not ready to date yet, you're moving too fast, or you're dealing with an abuser. If you're feeling stressed, it's okay to take a break from the man you're dating. You can tell him you need a few days or a week to a month off. Or you can break it off completely. I'll tell you how to do that in another post.
Nice post.Keep it up!
Reply to this
This is a really good read for me, Must admit that you are one of the best bloggers I ever saw.Thanks for posting this informative article.
Reply to this