Celebrate Your Freedom
Lose the Loser and Reclaim Your Life
About the Author
Free Spirit is a veteran of abusive relationships lasting over 10 years. She now is happily married with three stepchildren and one of her own! Contact her at freespirit@celebrateyourfreedom.com.Syndicate
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Why Working From Home is an Attractive Proposition in Today's Era
The 21st century is witnessing a boom in work at home jobs and business opportunities across the globe. Particularly, with the economic scenario becoming challenging, many businesses are faced with the prospect of cutting down costs and improving operational efficiencies. It is the era of a leaner and meaner organization that is able to outsource work and get the job done at a lower cost from home based workers who do not have the burden of costly overheads.
At the same time, the spectacular advancements in the field of information and communication, predominantly the growth and popularity of the Internet has completely changed the way we live and the way we do business. Working from home has become a solid, viable alternative in the new Internet-centric world that we live in.
Not only from the viewpoint of the business organization, but also from the home-based entrepreneur’s perspective, there are several advantages to working from home, which makes it a win-win situation for both. Let us list some of the key advantages from a home based worker’s perspective:
1. You are your own boss: The best part about working from home is that even if you are working for a company as an employee, or you may be running your own home business, in both cases, you run your own show within the home. You are responsible for your own actions, and there is no one looking over your shoulder all the time. There is a great sense of freedom attached when you work independently out of your home.
2. Flexibility of working hours: You get to decide your own work schedule for the most part. You can juggle between different tasks, set your own pace, and decide how best to maximize your work efficiency.
3. Balance between work and family life: Especially for moms, there is an excellent advantage to work from home. They do not need to leave the kids at a day care center, and can manage to bring a reasonable balance between their work and family responsibilities when working from home.
4. Save on commuting time: There can be a substantial saving of your time and energy that would have been spent in commuting daily to your office.
5. Cost efficiencies: As a home based entrepreneur, you have a better opportunity to control your costs and deliver a better value to your customers compared to a competitor who may have to struggle with office overhead expenses. Especially with the stiff real estate costs and expensive maintenance of a commercial office, it makes great business sense if you can deliver the same efficiency by working from home.
Therefore, a compelling case can be made in favor of work at home jobs and businesses. Especially for moms who are looking to contribute to their household income and people who are facing loss of employment or poor job prospects at offices, and even budding entrepreneurs who wish to start a new business without exposing themselves to high financial risks and investments.
Bizymoms has been dedicated to helping women work from home for over 10 years! Visit today to enjoy our interactive message boards, informative articles, help and advice from the Bizymoms’ Home Business Support Team and achieve your own work at home dreams with our home business start up kits.
At the same time, the spectacular advancements in the field of information and communication, predominantly the growth and popularity of the Internet has completely changed the way we live and the way we do business. Working from home has become a solid, viable alternative in the new Internet-centric world that we live in.
Not only from the viewpoint of the business organization, but also from the home-based entrepreneur’s perspective, there are several advantages to working from home, which makes it a win-win situation for both. Let us list some of the key advantages from a home based worker’s perspective:
1. You are your own boss: The best part about working from home is that even if you are working for a company as an employee, or you may be running your own home business, in both cases, you run your own show within the home. You are responsible for your own actions, and there is no one looking over your shoulder all the time. There is a great sense of freedom attached when you work independently out of your home.
2. Flexibility of working hours: You get to decide your own work schedule for the most part. You can juggle between different tasks, set your own pace, and decide how best to maximize your work efficiency.
3. Balance between work and family life: Especially for moms, there is an excellent advantage to work from home. They do not need to leave the kids at a day care center, and can manage to bring a reasonable balance between their work and family responsibilities when working from home.
4. Save on commuting time: There can be a substantial saving of your time and energy that would have been spent in commuting daily to your office.
5. Cost efficiencies: As a home based entrepreneur, you have a better opportunity to control your costs and deliver a better value to your customers compared to a competitor who may have to struggle with office overhead expenses. Especially with the stiff real estate costs and expensive maintenance of a commercial office, it makes great business sense if you can deliver the same efficiency by working from home.
Therefore, a compelling case can be made in favor of work at home jobs and businesses. Especially for moms who are looking to contribute to their household income and people who are facing loss of employment or poor job prospects at offices, and even budding entrepreneurs who wish to start a new business without exposing themselves to high financial risks and investments.
Bizymoms has been dedicated to helping women work from home for over 10 years! Visit today to enjoy our interactive message boards, informative articles, help and advice from the Bizymoms’ Home Business Support Team and achieve your own work at home dreams with our home business start up kits.
Abuse Recovery Exercise
I was looking through old papers today and found a journal entry from January of this year. It was a list I had made to help me feel better about myself and where I was at in life. I looked at it and realized it's a good exercise for anyone who has left an abuser.
How my life has improved since I left my ex:
How my life has improved since I left my ex:
- Freedom from abuse
- Depression lifted
- Able to do things my way
- Not having to listen to constant b****ing
- Not having to deal with a total slob
- Bills are being paid
- No worries about eviction or utilites getting cut off
- Better relationship with my son
- Internet addiction is gone
- Better sex life
- Wonderful relationship with new husband
- Freedom to be a Christian
- No more put-downs
- No more arguing
What I Learned in DBT Last Week
Last week I had my first group therapy session for DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy). I learned some things that I thought were worth sharing with my readers.
There was a lady in the class who was relating a recent experience with her husband, in which she confronted him about an insult he had made earlier. She never used the word "abusive" to describe him, but after listening to her for a few minutes, it became apparent that her husband was indeed abusive, at least verbally.
So I asked the therapist if DBT works when dealing with abusers, because it always seemed like it didn't matter what I did when dealing with an abuser, I just couldn't get any respect.
He replied that you can't change someone else's behavior and handed out a printout of behavior types. There are four different types: direct agression, indirect agression, passivity, and assertiveness. He said that abusers tend to fall into one of the first two categories, whereas we, when dealing with an abuser, become passive, and the goal is to become assertive.
He then said there are three choices one can make for one's relationships:
1) Keep going on the way it has been
2) Two people can agree to work on the relationship, and this takes committment from BOTH.
3) Get out.
The therapist said that in an abusive relationship, you really only have 2 choices (because the abuser will not work on the relationship): Keep going on the way it has been and stay miserable or get out. Then he said really there is only one choice: to get out. Then he told the lady who had been sharing about her husband to get out.
So there you have it. There's nothing you can do to make an abusive relationship better. It really doesn't matter what you do because the abuser's behavior has nothing to do with you and everything to do with how he perceives the world and chooses to behave. All the therapy in the world will not work if both parties are not working on the relationship. So, the only choice you have is to get out.
There was a lady in the class who was relating a recent experience with her husband, in which she confronted him about an insult he had made earlier. She never used the word "abusive" to describe him, but after listening to her for a few minutes, it became apparent that her husband was indeed abusive, at least verbally.
So I asked the therapist if DBT works when dealing with abusers, because it always seemed like it didn't matter what I did when dealing with an abuser, I just couldn't get any respect.
He replied that you can't change someone else's behavior and handed out a printout of behavior types. There are four different types: direct agression, indirect agression, passivity, and assertiveness. He said that abusers tend to fall into one of the first two categories, whereas we, when dealing with an abuser, become passive, and the goal is to become assertive.
He then said there are three choices one can make for one's relationships:
1) Keep going on the way it has been
2) Two people can agree to work on the relationship, and this takes committment from BOTH.
3) Get out.
The therapist said that in an abusive relationship, you really only have 2 choices (because the abuser will not work on the relationship): Keep going on the way it has been and stay miserable or get out. Then he said really there is only one choice: to get out. Then he told the lady who had been sharing about her husband to get out.
So there you have it. There's nothing you can do to make an abusive relationship better. It really doesn't matter what you do because the abuser's behavior has nothing to do with you and everything to do with how he perceives the world and chooses to behave. All the therapy in the world will not work if both parties are not working on the relationship. So, the only choice you have is to get out.
Rihanna To Testify Against Chris Brown
According to People magazine, Rihanna has been subpoenaed to testify against Chris Brown at his June 22nd assault hearing.
For the full story click here.
For the full story click here.
President Obama Approves Funding for Domestic Abuse Programs
While many presidents of the past have cut funding to domestic abuse programs, President Obama has not. The funding for domestic violence programs such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline will remain the same in 2010 as it is for 2009.
More information...
Read about what Obama did in the past to help fight domestic violence and sexual abuse.
More information...
Read about what Obama did in the past to help fight domestic violence and sexual abuse.
The Fresh Air Fund Needs Host Families
The Fresh Air Fund is an organization which matches inner city children to families living outside of the city for one to two weeks each summer. The children come from low income areas in New York City. It's a great experience for the children to get a break from inner city life and get a breath of "fresh air".
I know a lady who hosted a child from the Fresh Air Fund and I think it was a positive experience for the kid and my friend's family. From what I remember, the child was very well-behaved.
If you can't be a host this summer, consider making a donation. For the month of June, all donations made will be matched dollar for dollar by other generous donors.
For more information on the Fresh Air Fund, visit this page.
I know a lady who hosted a child from the Fresh Air Fund and I think it was a positive experience for the kid and my friend's family. From what I remember, the child was very well-behaved.
If you can't be a host this summer, consider making a donation. For the month of June, all donations made will be matched dollar for dollar by other generous donors.
For more information on the Fresh Air Fund, visit this page.
Increase in Numbers at Domestic Violence Shelters Due to Bad Economy
Mary Kay recently conducted the survey "Mary Kay's Truth About Abuse", and found that the number of women requesting assistance from domestic violence shelters has risen since September when the economy went on a downturn.
Mary Kay interviewed 600 shelters nationwide and found that 3 out of 4 reported this increase. Shelter representatives attribute the increase in abuse to financial issues, stress, and job loss.
The region which had the largest increase was the South, at 78 percent. The Midwest reported a 74 percent increase, the Northeast a 72 percent increase, and the West with the lowest increase at 71 percent.
Overall, the increase across the nation is high. This study suggests that there is a link between domestic violence and the economy.
To learn more about the survey, read the article at Mary Kay's website.
My thoughts:
I'm not going to blame abuse on the economy. I still think there are deeper reasons that men abuse women, having to do with childhood issues and anger problems. Financial problems definitely cause more stress, however, and may cause men to lash out more. I also think in today's economy, women have less options when it comes to leaving, so they're more likely to end up at a shelter. I do wonder how much abuse has actually increased. Maybe more women are getting help now.
The good part is that Mary Kay started the "Beauty that Counts" initiative, a program to fight cancer and domestic abuse. The company will donate one dollar of each sale of certain lipsticks to the program until December 15, 2009. The Mary Kay Ash Charitable Foundation has donated close to $18 million to shelters and domestic violence prevention programs in the U.S. since it started in 1996.
I'm glad to see that Mary Kay has stepped in to help with the problem of domestic violence. This is just one more group we have on our side!
Thank you Mary Kay!
Mary Kay interviewed 600 shelters nationwide and found that 3 out of 4 reported this increase. Shelter representatives attribute the increase in abuse to financial issues, stress, and job loss.
The region which had the largest increase was the South, at 78 percent. The Midwest reported a 74 percent increase, the Northeast a 72 percent increase, and the West with the lowest increase at 71 percent.
Overall, the increase across the nation is high. This study suggests that there is a link between domestic violence and the economy.
To learn more about the survey, read the article at Mary Kay's website.
My thoughts:
I'm not going to blame abuse on the economy. I still think there are deeper reasons that men abuse women, having to do with childhood issues and anger problems. Financial problems definitely cause more stress, however, and may cause men to lash out more. I also think in today's economy, women have less options when it comes to leaving, so they're more likely to end up at a shelter. I do wonder how much abuse has actually increased. Maybe more women are getting help now.
The good part is that Mary Kay started the "Beauty that Counts" initiative, a program to fight cancer and domestic abuse. The company will donate one dollar of each sale of certain lipsticks to the program until December 15, 2009. The Mary Kay Ash Charitable Foundation has donated close to $18 million to shelters and domestic violence prevention programs in the U.S. since it started in 1996.
I'm glad to see that Mary Kay has stepped in to help with the problem of domestic violence. This is just one more group we have on our side!
Thank you Mary Kay!
Started Therapy
I started therapy two weeks ago. I'll be doing dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT). I skimmed the folder the therapist gave me and it looks neat.
We'll also be dealing with abuse issues, particularly childhood abuse. I'm not particularly excited about digging that stuff up, but if it will help me grow, it's worth it.
I'll keep you all updated on how things progress.
We'll also be dealing with abuse issues, particularly childhood abuse. I'm not particularly excited about digging that stuff up, but if it will help me grow, it's worth it.
I'll keep you all updated on how things progress.
Where to go to Meet a Nice Man
First of all, stay away from bars, unless you want another drunk loser. Bars are places people go to meet others with which to have one-night stands. If that isn't what you're looking for, stay away.
I'm still not sure about online dating. My personal experience has not been positive. I never met any psychos, though, thank God! But there is a safety issue at hand. I'm not really sure how many actual "good" guys there are online. Sure, they look good in their profiles but people always put their best foot forward in something like that, myself included.
The positive side to online dating is you can pick and choose who you wish to go out with. It can be very empowering.
A friend of mine met her husband online. So it does work out for some people.
Church is a good place to meet nice single men. You can also join groups for people with various interests. Meetup.com Is a great place to find local groups.
Sometimes you just might run into him when you are out somewhere. Or you may meet him through a friend. I met my husband in his store. He owns a second-hand store, and I was moving into my apartment. I needed furniture, so I was browsing the second-hand shops in my town that day and we just started talking. Now we're married.
Just be patient. The right man will come along. Until then, enjoy your single life and don't settle for less just to have somebody.
I'm still not sure about online dating. My personal experience has not been positive. I never met any psychos, though, thank God! But there is a safety issue at hand. I'm not really sure how many actual "good" guys there are online. Sure, they look good in their profiles but people always put their best foot forward in something like that, myself included.
The positive side to online dating is you can pick and choose who you wish to go out with. It can be very empowering.
A friend of mine met her husband online. So it does work out for some people.
Church is a good place to meet nice single men. You can also join groups for people with various interests. Meetup.com Is a great place to find local groups.
Sometimes you just might run into him when you are out somewhere. Or you may meet him through a friend. I met my husband in his store. He owns a second-hand store, and I was moving into my apartment. I needed furniture, so I was browsing the second-hand shops in my town that day and we just started talking. Now we're married.
Just be patient. The right man will come along. Until then, enjoy your single life and don't settle for less just to have somebody.
Tips for Dating Successfully
In order to date successfully (in other words, "land the right man"), there's some things you have to do:
1) Set boundaries. Determine what you will and will not tolerate. Make these boundaries clear. For instance, "My ex did such-and-such, and I just won't put up with it anymore."
2) Keep your boundaries. If he crosses one, don't just let it slide. Call him on it. If he apologizes and promises to not do it again, you might want to give him another chance. If he argues with you and insists that what he did was fine and that you were overreacting/being overly sensitive, etc., he is showing signs of an abuser and it's time to bail.
3) Expect respect. He should open doors for you, pay for the meals and treat you in a respectful manner. He should care about your feelings and respect your opinions even when he disagrees with you. If he can't respect you, he's out the door.
4) Be willing to walk away. Don't feel so desperate for love that you cling to someone who is unhealthy for you. There are other men out there who will appreciate and love you. Be willing to walk away from an abusive or unhealthy relationship.
5) Don't rehash old dramas you had with your ex. For instance, don't start fights with the new boyfriend to get back at your ex. You're just setting yourself up for another abusive relationship. If you find yourself doing this, get some counseling and don't date for a while.
6) Don't have sex before marriage. I may sound old-fashioned, but I know from personal experience that when you have sex with a man outside of marriage, he loses respect for you. Most often, he gets this idea that he "owns" you and starts to get controlling. He doesn't have the right to your body until he is married to you.
7) Be nice to the nice guy. Don't treat a guy badly because some guy treated you badly, especially if he's being nice to you. Be appreciate of someone who is nice to you. Be nice to him. Do favors for him. Let him know that you appreciate him and that you care. That way, you're not continuing the cycle of abuse.
1) Set boundaries. Determine what you will and will not tolerate. Make these boundaries clear. For instance, "My ex did such-and-such, and I just won't put up with it anymore."
2) Keep your boundaries. If he crosses one, don't just let it slide. Call him on it. If he apologizes and promises to not do it again, you might want to give him another chance. If he argues with you and insists that what he did was fine and that you were overreacting/being overly sensitive, etc., he is showing signs of an abuser and it's time to bail.
3) Expect respect. He should open doors for you, pay for the meals and treat you in a respectful manner. He should care about your feelings and respect your opinions even when he disagrees with you. If he can't respect you, he's out the door.
4) Be willing to walk away. Don't feel so desperate for love that you cling to someone who is unhealthy for you. There are other men out there who will appreciate and love you. Be willing to walk away from an abusive or unhealthy relationship.
5) Don't rehash old dramas you had with your ex. For instance, don't start fights with the new boyfriend to get back at your ex. You're just setting yourself up for another abusive relationship. If you find yourself doing this, get some counseling and don't date for a while.
6) Don't have sex before marriage. I may sound old-fashioned, but I know from personal experience that when you have sex with a man outside of marriage, he loses respect for you. Most often, he gets this idea that he "owns" you and starts to get controlling. He doesn't have the right to your body until he is married to you.
7) Be nice to the nice guy. Don't treat a guy badly because some guy treated you badly, especially if he's being nice to you. Be appreciate of someone who is nice to you. Be nice to him. Do favors for him. Let him know that you appreciate him and that you care. That way, you're not continuing the cycle of abuse.